THE BABY.
firstcry; 24o5
called; anqi
can be seen; mostly at lot1
described; love to be pampered by my baby.
loves; mybaby.
hellokitty.
candies.
self-abuse.
waiting for ur return.
today is baby's court luh. hais. happy or sad. he still hafta go. even if its postponed, sooner or later, the day that he's going in would arrive. so i shud get on and accept the facts. through these 7 months together , baby have taught me alot of things. he didnt pamper me cos he wan me to be independant. its for my own good. i can say only aiai and baby is the only ones who REALLY understands me. i must be grateful. though these days i've ben suffering, i have never regret. though i've done things that i've never done before to a STRANGER* , at that moment i really hate 2 of my fren ALOT * but only for that moment. after that i was soft hearted to them. hells* i vomited like hell ! fcuk. kept on feeling awkward ! but wad can i do but to obey that person rite ? if i say back confirm veri ugly de. hais so i jus did wad he demanded. feeling lots of hatred inside. jus no one listens to my explaination and that childish kid kept on assuming that he is alwaes right. whie can ti tok back whif him ? i say his bro also not him. nw wanna act good isit. wanna act gd ? i can be a gd actress too. ytd went to 145 drink. whif lotsa pple but found out a piece of bad news. fcuk it lah. i dunno whether isit i malign baby or isit real. i hope i wronged him lor. didnt expect it to happen. i tot my eyes were lying to me. but no. after baby left , i tink i shud stay independant and be good. dont do anything bad for me luh. everiday holiday also do same thing de lah. i tink i wunt get to know more people or mix whif other groups around. mayb living alone ? freak out !! dunno wad to do lah. screwd up life im leading now. so frustrated. heart feels whif lots of hatreds , sadness. fearfulness. i really dowan baby to go in de. if not i`ll have no one to rely on. if i dun understand anything , i would have no one else to go to. if im sad, who will REALLY console me whif sweettalks ?! everi night if i cant get to slp , whu will acc me cm out eat ? whu will send me sweet msg and make me feel loved and den i go to bed ? NODOBY except baby. ytd when we're at 160, my tears nearly rolled dwn. lucky i hold on! when im in the taxi, my tears burst out ! so paiseh lah. hais. ='( but when everione's sitting together. they dont feel happy too. i can see thst everione's dropping their tears liao. hai. but i wunt drop tears in front of them . later people say i putting on a fake mask in front of baby. you wouldnt know wad people's mouth is spilling out. but baby shud take up the consequences for doing wad he did lor. why he suffer we all outside also hafta suffer? these are route from god. we cant choose . we wouldnt noe wad will happen the next min/sec. i might even get banged dwn by car tmr? but the last thing i would like to tell YOU* is
"i hate you but i cannot stop loving you. "i wanna rely on you foreva. baby
living my life ALONE (: anqies # together whif BABY. my MISSES ; yr LOVES
